


Enfenim Mah

by nyxxbx



Series: Bel'annar'is [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Haven (Dragon Age), Lavellan/Solas Angst (Dragon Age), Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Pre-Relationship, Redcliffe (Dragon Age)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24055096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyxxbx/pseuds/nyxxbx
Summary: The day after gaining the support of the mages, Lavellan is plagued by the nightmares she saw in that menacing future. Her fear brings out the worst part of that vision, as she remembers what red lyrium is truly capable of.
Relationships: Dalish/Lavellan, Female Lavellan/Solas
Series: Bel'annar'is [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1733095
Kudos: 10





	Enfenim Mah

The voices were deafening even from outside of the Chantry. Fen'rei let out a weary sigh, eyes barely open and cast downwards, focused on not stumbling over thin air. She tried not to glance at the people surrounding the gates to the Chantry, their expressions eager to find out how the mission in Redcliffe had gone. They had every right to know what the near future had in store for them and for their families, but Fen'rei found it difficult to share the news.

With the way Cullen was shouting, she was certain she wouldn't have to.

An agonising worm of a headache had spread through her head, and she winced, desperate to get the argument within the holy walls of the Chantry over with.

She noticed Solas, leaning against the back wall of the cottage, those wise and wistful silvers of his watching the people, lips quirked in an upwards manner, one straight eyebrow raised in a curious motion.

Her eyes strayed from his form, once she felt her tired feet stumble over nothing, eyes too focused on _him_ to think of the path before her. The events at Redcliffe left a piercing hole in her psyche where nightmares bled through like red lyrium had been pouring out of the marble of that castle, in that perverted vision of a world she only hoped would never come to pass. She wouldn't allow it to happen. She _couldn't_. The horrors that she had seen there were terrifying, they left her body burning with adrenaline, moving in a desperate attempt to flee, to leave _that_ future as it should be, _impossible._

As she pushed on the gates of the Chantry, she could feel eyes filled with heavy emotion and questioning on her back, and with that she could feel her shoulders shrinking, wanting, no-- _needing_ \-- to pull into herself and process what had happened in peace without the growing doubt in her stomach.

"It is not a matter for debate! There _will_ be abominations among the mages and we must be prepared for that!" Cullen had voiced, his voice strong and orotund, each syllable piercing another painful echo through Fen'rei's temple.

She shut the door quietly, feet moving nimbly, without a sound, across the marble floor.

"If we rescind the offer of an alliance, it makes the Inquisition appear _incompetent_ at best, _tyrannical_ at worst!" Josephine reasoned, eyes pleading among the advisors as she desperately tried to mediate the situation.

Fen'rei let herself be known as she stepped next to Cassandra, body rigid as she tried not to let her exhaustion show.

"Have you gone mad?!" Cullen's voice was immediately thrown her way, and she gritted her teeth to stop herself from wincing. "What were you thinking, turning mages loose with no oversight? The Veil is torn open!" He said, eyes softening for a moment once he noticed the state she was in.

"A fact I'm well aware of, _Commander_." Fen'rei bit back coldly, voice blank, features hardened. "We need them to close the Breach and they deserve a chance to redeem themselves. The templars offered no cooperation, so I did what I could."

Cullen faltered for a moment, lowering his voice as he continued stubbornly. "I understand that we need them to close the Breach, _but_ they could do as much damage as the demons! We can't just let them--"

Fen'rei let him spew his frustrations, mind too tired to react. Cassandra stepped in, eyes narrowed angrily, her hand momentarily resting on the _Herald's_ shoulder, fingers light and whispering but there.

"Enough! Enough arguing! You were not there and we cannot allow ourselves to second-guess our people. The Herald did what she believed to be right and we need to trust her. How else are we supposed to have hope in the Inquisition's goal?" She said sternly, eyes focusing on Cullen to end the discussion.

It brought nothing, but more pain and uncertainty and they did not need that now. 

A chuckle sounded behind them and Fen'rei let a small smile etch onto her lips as she saw Dorian leaning onto the banister, a smug smirk on his lips as he watched the scene transpire.

"A voice of pragmatism speaks!" He let out sarcastically. "And here I was enjoying the circular arguing. It _truly_ warms the heart."

He revelled in the stunned looks the advisors offered him, sending a sly wink in Fen'rei's direction. Travelling back and forth in time truly did bring people together.

"Dorian Pavus, at your service. I do believe introductions are in order, but I am certain we can do that later." He edged closer to Fen'rei, hand landing on her shoulder to lead her away from the stressful situation. "For now, let this _poor_ woman get some rest. She has been through hell and back for you people and this is how you express your gratitude? _Tsk, tsk._ " He clicked his tongue, satisfied with the beginnings of a smile Fen'rei had on her lips.

"I'm glad you're staying, Dorian. The Inquisition welcomes you with open arms." She said, eyes lightening as she bowed.

"Yes, I can see that." He muttered, his tone cynical.

Cullen sighed and nodded his head. "I am sorry, Herald. I did not intend to be brash, but I hope you understand my concerns."

Fen'rei nodded, honeyed eyes seeking Cullen's to convey her understanding. Disagreements would always exist. She needed that assurance, that she had people who would question her decisions and not just blindly follow her into the oblivion.

"I understand, Commander, but a decision has been made. It is too late to think of what could have been. An alliance has been arranged. They are here to _help_ us. And with what I've seen in Redcliffe.. we need all the help we can get." She said, voice heavy with resolve, mind flooding towards the scenes from the future.

They dispersed afterwards, shoulders slumped with burdened thoughts of the unknown before them, of what awaited them the next morning when she would finally seal the Breach.

Dorian stopped her from her chaotic, swirling thoughts, knowing what she was thinking, what was burning painfully through her being. He knew that feeling well, he felt the very same just from being shifted into that grim future, simply from seeing what magic could bear upon them if put in the hands of a desperate person. Alexius was that. Anguished enough to destroy the entire world, just to save his son from a fate everyone would meet. _Death._

He couldn't possibly imagine what was going through this sharp woman's mind, after seeing such gruesome futures for her companions.

"You know.. I heard that dwarf mention something about a small gathering, _specifically_ , one to celebrate all that you managed to do in one _blasted_ day." Dorian said as they walked back to his cottage.

Her eyes strayed towards the place where Solas would usually be, a tinge of disappointment staining her throat, once she noticed the absence of wisdom and knowledge wrapped in a person. She yearned for comfort, comfort that was the lilt of his deep voice that held such ancient lullabies, the steel of his eyes that hid mysteries she wanted to solve. She wanted all that he was, now that she was aware of all that could be lost.

"I see you've already made friends. That's very impressive." She smiled at him, hands moving behind her back.

" _Ah,_ yes.. the people that you've gathered here are certainly _interesting._ And that's saying something, considering I grew up in the worst _shithole_ this world has to offer." He rambled, voice fabulously low.

"Oh, I don't know, they certainly can't be _that_ bad if they made you. I think you're exaggerating." She teased, golden eyes narrowing playfully, appreciating the distraction.

" _Certainly,_ " his voice drawled, a grin spreading on his lips, "I knew there was something about you that would make all of this worthwhile."

She laughed, though it was an empty laugh, lasting a moment too short, the genuine crinkle in her brow nonexistent.

He saw the shadows move over her eyes all too soon, and cursed to himself. _Kaffas,_ his attempts to scare those nightmares away did not hold long.

"Oh come on, _Herald,_ it's not every day we almost meet our demise due to _time_ magic. We are allowed to celebrate. In fact, we should have already started getting _shitfaced_!" He exclaimed, forearm moving to bump her elbow.

He saw her brows furrow, watched as her nose crinkled. "I've never.. _actually_ gotten drunk before.." she muttered sheepishly, hand moving to scratch at her jaw.

" _Oh,_ now you're not allowed to say no. Come along, Herald."

She allowed herself to be pulled, eyes staring up at the Breach, chest anxiously burning and curling like a beast. She was frightened, she wanted peace, but perhaps peace was not always solitude and silence. Perhaps it presented itself in a bonefire burning brightly, embers alight in the greenish dusk of the day, laughter and chuckles moving through the evening air like clouds upon the broken sky, music and rhythm swirling through the sips of alcohol. Perhaps it was this cheery bunch of people that would offer her comfort and peace.

"Sparkler! Quicksilver! How _lovely_ of you to join us!" Varric exclaimed, hands raised in a cheerful greeting, one palm already equipped with a mug of ale.

Iron Bull greeted them as well, his presence domineering, tall, the horns making him seem anything _but_ friendly. But the eyes, and the caring smirk he had for those around him showed otherwise.

" _Damn_ straight. We thought you'd gone off to bed already!" He said, scooting towards the side to offer more space on the ground.

"Piss! I didn't know _The Herald_ would be joining us what with all the shite that's been going on. Them mages grouping around, that'd be enough to get me in bed. _Not_ like that-" Sera muttered, steel eyes already scrunched in a drunken bliss.

Fen'rei could feel her arms itching to wrap around her chest, throat closing in uncomfortably. _They're your companions, you know them, there's no need to be anxious._

"We know what you meant, Buttercup, calm down. Honestly, though, you do deserve a break from all this bullshit. Relax a little.." Varric's raspy voice sounded as he extended a mug overflowing with ale towards Fen'rei.

She sat down, legs curling towards her chest as she tried to get comfortable without tipping the mug over and spilling her drink. Her eyes curiously glanced at Sera and Iron Bull, voices entwined in a deep discussion, one she couldn't quite catch onto. _How come they felt so carefree after everything that's happened?_

Cassandra and Blackwall had accompanied her to Redcliffe, alongside Dorian who had adapted to the situation quickly. She was drawn to that, the quick wit, glib tongue, a caring interior that she had seen once he had encountered Alexius. Dorian was the only one who had seen the things that future was preserving for them, and even though they were complete strangers, he offered her comfort. It was selfless and kind, something she desperately needed.

"Thankfully, you just missed Bull telling me about one of his childhood stories. The things he said.. _that_ would've left you traumatised." Varric snapped her out of her thoughts and Fen'rei masked her wistfulness with a big, bitter gulp.

She cringed at the taste. What was about it about this bitterness that offered such relaxation? The warmth she felt growing on her cheeks moments later?

Dorian scoffed. "How about you tell us about yours, Varric, I heard dwarven childhoods are a bit _shit._ Actually, isn't everything underneath the ground shit?"

"Nothing could beat your Tevinter, Sparkler." Varric bit back.

"Wait, are we playing _which country's has more shite things_? Because if so, I'm out. Tevint- _shizz_ and the Deep Roads are two things I _don't_ need to think about before sleeping!" Sera exclaimed, voice slurring.

"What's so wrong with the Deep Roads, Sera? Scared of of lyrium enhanced nugs?" Iron Bull taunted, smirk widening.

"Oh, piss off! What? _Lyrium_ _enhanced nugs_ _?_ You're just making that up!"

"Oh, you heard about those? They were _all_ the craze back in Orzammar. Every noble had at least one on a leash! Feisty things!" Varric said, face blank as they all stared at Sera.

"Well, that's disappointing. In Tevinter, the only thing close to a pet you'd get is a demon." Dorian said, voice smug.

Sera suddenly stood up, feet stumbling as she turned towards the trio.

"That's it! I'm done! You pissfaces just cost me a night of good sleep! You, _Herald,_ you.. you should throw them in the dungeon, make them pay!" She stumbled over her words.

Fen'rei chuckled, eyes glancing at the three of them as they silently grinned to each other. "I'll keep that in mind, Sera, in case an emergency arises. I hope you sleep well." She grinned, teasingly.

Sera muttered a curse, before stumbling towards the tavern, shoulders tense and short, blonde hair in a rowdy mess.

The laughter that spread around the group was infectious, and Fen'rei could feel her own chest rumble with silent chuckles.

"I can't believe that's all it took to rile her up. She's got one hell of a temper." Iron Bull said, large hand slapping against his knee, his guffaws coming out in short breaths.

"That was quite impressive, actually. I hope I'm not the next victim." Fen'rei said, hand rubbing against her eyes as she tried to fight off a yawn.

"Well, _Quicksilver,_ now that you mention it.. you _could_ share some personal life details with us. You've been quite a mystery since Cassandra dragged your ass in chains here." Varric leaned towards her, almost conspiratorially.

Fen'rei choked on a sip that she had taken, lashes blinking as she struggled to swallow the bitter taste. She lowered the wooden mug to the ground, eyes widening at the amusing glares the people around her gave her.

"What do you mean by _a mystery_? You know plenty about me." She countered, arms folding in a defensive manner.

Varric barked out a laugh, gruff voice stringing against her ears. "Right, _plenty_ , I could write a book about you, all personal details, of course."

"You definitely should, Varric. At least people would finally starting reading them." She teased sharply.

"Walked right into that one, Varric.." Iron Bull muttered, guffawing.

Letting a grin etch onto her lips, she sighed, head shaking, pale-moonlight locks moving from one side to another. "I don't have much to tell you. I grew up among the Dalish, though I never really considered myself one of them. I was more outside of the clan than with them. Nothing could stop me from exploring the world around the clan's campsite." She said, eyes shifting towards her boots that were sliding awkwardly over the melting snow.

"So, a bit like Chuckles, huh?" Varric teased.

Fen'rei could feel herself choking on air and she coughed to hide the gasp, desperately hoping the bonefire before her hid the growing furnace in her cheekbones.

"Not quite. Solas explores the Fade and the places it offers. I have had no experiences with that. My brother would have more knowledge than me." She rambled.

"You have a brother?" Dorian questioned, eyes flickering towards Varric and Iron Bull to see if they had already known that fact.

Their curious expressions gave him the answer.

Fen'rei let out an awkward chuckle, eyes shifting to the side. "Yes.. he has been in training to become the clan's Keeper since his birth. The Keeper always said that he had a bright future ahead of him. The way he wields magic.. it's-- it comes as easily as breathing to him." Memories swept over her momentarily and she felt light, like she could simply close her eyes and return to that stream where he practised his magic.

"I'm certain he'd be happy to teach you." Iron Bull said, lips spread in a smirk.

Fen'rei hesitated, brows furrowing in confusion. "My brother?"

Varric's loud laugh made her flinch. "No, _Herald_.. Chuckles, of course." He winked.

She opened her mouth in attempt to summon a witty retort and yet nothing came to mind except Solas' voice echoing against her ears, musings about dreams and The Fade like a lullaby entwined with ancient meaning.

"Chuckles? Sparkler? How come she got the better nickname?" Dorian complained, and soon him and Varric were wrapped up in a playful argument, saving her from the embarassment.

Their laughs echoed into the night and Fen'rei could feel the alcohol take effect as her head suddenly lulled wearily to the side. The short conversations that she had with them consisted of nothing but witty quips and teasing jests and for a small moment it made that painful hole in her chest hurt less. But as the night continued, she distanced herself from the conversation, head lost in her thoughts and scenes from the future she now dreaded. A searing headache once again wormed its way into her temples.

"My apologies, gentlemen, but I have to excuse myself. I suggest you do the same, we do have a long day tommorow." She murmured, feet almost stumbling over each other she faced them.

Iron Bull let out a mutter of something along the lines of _sleep well_ _,_ while Varric and Dorian nodded in understanding. They smiled at her, eyes knowing and compassionate, and for a moment she felt vulnerable under their gazes.

" _On nydha.._ " she whispered gracefully, eyes momentarily moving towards the cottage by the tavern, hoping to see a glance of him.

Nothing.

She retreated towards her own wooden embodiment of peace, grateful to find some solitude. Perhaps, a night of proper rest is what she needed to soothe the chaos in her mind.

_Only_ , fate had had something against her since the very beginning of her existence.

She awakened in the forest, the familiar carving of Mythal's presence above her. Her bow was in her hand and she felt peaceful, felt the serenity envelope her. She gripped the body of it with her hands, desperate to find that anchor that the world she was experiencing was real, was _really_ there. Her lips opened as she exhaled, breath after breath, her surroundings moving with the air that left her lungs. It was wonderfully _abstract_ and yet so very real.

"Fen! Fen!" She heard the familiar voice and almost as if she had teleported, she was suddenly standing in front of her brother, his hazel eyes reflecting the green that was surrounding them in spots and blemishes.

His light, sand-coloured hair moved with the wind, one she couldn't feel against her skin. Rays of light enveloped his sunkissed cheeks, _Dirthamen_ carved in a shade of veridium on the bones of his features. He smiled at her, lips muttering something, something she could not hear. She smiled at him, hands outstretched to touch the being before her, her _brother,_ and as the tip of her finger graced his chin, a crack echoed around the forest, the shrill sound of it painful against her temples.

She winced, eyes momentarily closing.

"F-- Fen.." His ragged, guttural whisper sounded against her ear, his breath hitting her features, a putrid smell of magic gone wrong spreading around them.

She felt sparks burning against her skin, energetic cracks echoing against her bare cheeks. Her Mark flared slowly, tentatively and she opened her eyes, a gasp engulfing her throat.

There he stood before her, eyes no longer hazel, but a sickly, burning red-- _bleeding_ with the glow of the red lyrium spreading through his skin in jaded, moving circles, almost as if it lived beneath his skin, within his being.

She flinched, hand flying to her mouth to shelter the sob that racked through her body.

" _Ma- mana. Ma halani.._ " he continued whispering, chanting, eyes widening as he screeched in pain.

"No.. _no.. Dirth--_ " she could feel words forming on her tongue, numbness spreading through her terrified form.

Another crack sounded and she could see the spike of red lyrium crystal bursting out of his neck, making him drop to his knees, his delicate throat making guttural and disturbing noises as he tried to breathe in, breathe out, in and out, _in_ and _out._ The colour of the sun was fading from his skin, grey shades replacing the spots where he once looked alive, lips purple with blood and mucus. He reached towards her, one hand holding the red crystal protruding from his flesh, fingers stained with blood and red lyrium, the menacing energy soaking into his skin.

" _Isa'ma'lin_!" She heard herself scream, knees trembling and dropping to the ground, hands flying to her brother, desperate in its attempt to soothe, to heal, to _prevent_ this wretched energy from spreading.

Another crack sounded around them, and she closed her eyes not wanting to see another crystal mark his body.

And then it shifted.

She was still trembling on the ground, knees weakened, her bones hurting from the pressure as her body went rigid, desperate to keep some sort of stability in itself as her mind unleashed chaos upon the remnants of her form. Her Mark sparked painfully and she let out a sob, lips opened in a sorrowful prayer, searching for something, _anything_ to save her, drag her away from this terror.

Her eyes opened, knees enveloping the cold stone floor.

Regret instantly flooded through her veins as she stared at the fading silver embers, the red slowly-- _yet_ _,_ quickly replacing them. They stared blankly at her, pieces of crystals frozen against his high cheekbones, memories of tears shed in pain. The slope of his nose was broken in an unnatural shape, puzzles of red lyrium crystals moving out of them in rippling waves. The porcelain skin looked cracked, broken, unnatural and so very haunting. His usual rose-coloured, inviting lips, a cerulean blue colour-- like her _vallaslin._

Her mouth stayed open, eyes widened, tears streaming down the frozen flesh and yet she could not let out a sound. Her heart had stopped beating, the air that she used to breathe moments ago, _vanished_ , her throat closing in to shield itself from the gruesome sight.

Her widened orbs of lightning wandered down to her hands where she saw her Mark burning brightly, the light blinding, twisting, curling _agony_ as it breathed, puffed, hissed and hurt, hurt so badly.

Solas lay underneath her, soundless, motionless, with bits and pieces of red lyrium sticking out of him like plagued roots of menace and it was an agonising sight, _disturbing,_ horrifying, _impossible._

She finally let herself let out a ragged scream, her entire body going slack.

A hand on her shoulder made her flinch and suddenly she was awake, hair matted and sticking to her forehead, chest heaving and searching for air, head pounding against her temples, each strike worse than the other as she breathed. She winced at the pain coursing through her scalp, The Mark sparking, green pulses echoing through the dark room.

She blinked, once, twice, eyes frantically moving to the stone floor to reassure herself she wasn't back at the castle and she could feel a sob escaping her. He was there on the floor, jaw slack, heart unbeating, crimson coursing through him, an abomination.

She _couldn't_ be here.

Before she could think, her feet bolted over the room and out into the deep Haven night, snow burning against the skin of her soles as she ran, breaths coming unsteadily, chest constricting painfully, heart thudding so loudly she was certain everyone in Haven could hear it.

The image was burned deeply into the hive of her mind, and it was all she could see, all she could think about. Distance, resistance, restraint, let it all be damned. She had to make sure that it was but a dream. It wouldn't happen. She wasn't in that future anymore, that vision would never come to pass. She _will not_ allow it. But she had to be certain.

Soon, she was in front of his door, the scene familiar, her hand banging on the marred wood, Mark hissing and growling as she did so. She was out of breath, as if she was running from a predator, eyes widened and filled with tears, searching for safety, certainty, serenity.

The door opened and there he stood, knowledge in those deep eyes of his, lips opened in a breathless gasp as he gazed at her, panic and concern flooding the pools of luminous silver. His brows furrowed in question, eyes moving to the side in confusion.

" _Herald--"_ He opened his lips to utter, and she didn't give him that chance.

She had to be certain.

With her senses distraught, she grabbed onto his woolen sweater, head burrowing against the leather of his amulet, her forehead reaching his shoulder gracefully as she held on to him as if he was the only pillar left standing within the chaos of her mind. Her breaths were barely existant and she glared at the side table in the corner of his cottage, eyes burning along with the candle on it as she fought to regain her ground.

Solas froze, muscles clenching and rigid as he felt the breath leave his throat. He could feel her trembling, could hear the sharp intakes of air, could sense the energy from the Mark as it hissed from beneath her palm. His body yearned to curl towards hers, to embrace her, to soothe the nightmare she had witnessed, and he along with her. He didn't plan on wandering towards her during his walk through the Fade, but she was so bright. So vivid. So real.

He was weak. 

The menacing sight he witnessed, first with her crying out for her brother and then with her screaming over his motionless body left him overwhelmed with emotions. Regret, sorrow, deep, boiling anger that had reached its peak long ago and yet it still persisted. He clenched his teeth, desperate to restrain himself from thinking about how she fit in his arms. He wouldn't embrace her. That would be going too far.

He reached for her shoulder with his hand, fingers momentarily passing over her skin as the oversized tunic shifted over her shoulder. She was shivering, breaths still coming out unsteadily. The golden irises tore themselves away from the candle burning in the background and embraced his silver embers. She was crying and the tears had frozen over her _vallaslin_ marred cheekbones. They glistened in the wintery moonlight, simply _ethereal._

"I- _ir abelas._ I-- He was.. the castle.. You were-- red lyrium-" her words were a string of chaotic murmurs.

Her thin brows furrowed as she struggled to breathe. She winced as the Anchor moved from within, emerald glow surrounding them.

"Herald.." he began, his fingers still grasping her shivering shoulder.

He shook his head. There was nothing to be said. Not while she was in a state such as this. He couldn't just send her away either.

His fingers grasped her hand, his thumb enveloping her palm as he rubbed soothing circles, magic sparkling from his eyes as he calmed _his_ mistake down, its hisses and growls silenced for a moment. He led her inside, moving away the tome he was studying from his desk.

She moved numbly, that violent quirk between her brows still etched there, eyes hazy and far away.

"I'll make you some tea. Would that be alright?" He shifted backwards to close the door and then he was in front of her.

She half-nodded, pools of gold lifting to meet his, remnants of shed crystals still underneath her lashes. "I-- _Creators.._ " she bit her lip, eyes lowering to her hands, fingers spread over the Mark. "That would be amazing, _ma serannas._ " She murmured, sheepishly hiding a sob that made her tremble.

" _Ma nuvenin,_ Herald." He spoke, silverite gaze moving away from her, his mind still not fully comprehending her state.

She was such a force-- strong, kind, determined, intelligent in responses and curious by nature, glint of hidden knowledge always tucked away in those eyes. There were secrets stored away in that mind of hers and by visiting her in the Fade, he had only scratched the surface of what was underneath.

She was always in control, using her position as the Herald when needed and _yet_ she trusted him enough to show vulnerability, to come here in distress, plagued by uncertainty. She wasn't _just_ The Herald to him or her companions anymore. She was _more._

He set the wooden cup before her, and she accepted it, fingers grasping it with a tremble. She took a sip, uncertain eyes meeting his as he leaned on the desk.

"Elfroot and embrium, to soothe the nerves." He murmured, head nodding towards the tea.

"Thank you. And I'm sorry, _again,_ I--" she stumbled.

"There is no need for apologies, Herald. I would like an explanation, though. I'm guessing this has something to do with Redcliffe and Magister Alexius?" He questioned.

She blinked, hiding her surprise with a sip of her tea. Her eyes moved to her palm once again, itching at it and Solas could feel a pang of guilt echo through him.

"Yes.. well-- in part. His plan was to kill me, essentially. He wanted to use that amulet, to meddle with time magic so he could remove me from existence." He could feel his throat close in. "I would've never been at the Conclave and whatever ritual the Elder One had planned would have destroyed everything we know."

Her voice was still raw from the terrors and the sobs that persisted moments ago, her eyes narrowing as she focused on delivering the words in a comprehensible way.

He knew what would have happened. It itched at him, all the way from his heart to his tongue, the lies tempting. Regret also clawed at his stomach. He should have been there to help her. The Elder One, _Corypheus_ , was not just someone who created the Breach. He knew that very well.

"Are you certain it was time magic? Could it have been a trick of the Fade, perhaps?" He questioned, desperately trying to evade the topic of her possible death.

Fen'rei shook her head determinedly, eyes rimmed with red. "I've been in the Fade before."

He nodded, a small quirk at his lips. "That's a fair point."

A small pause stretched between them and he took the time to admire her features. He had been wondering why she had picked _Falon'din_ , Friend of the Dead, to carve onto her cheeks. It suited her, the swirling lines glowing like veilfire atop her pale skin.

He shook his head, trying to clear the tempting thoughts. The Mark on her hand cracked for a moment, and her teeth enveloped her lip. He cleared his throat.

"Your Mark seems to be hurting more.." he stated, trailing off.

She shrugged, cheeks igniting at his observation of the pain she was trying to hide.

"The Breach was everywhere. It was slowly consuming the world. Of course, that meant that there were rifts at each corner. _Someone_ had to close them. I suppose I irritated it .." she said, scenes moving before her eyes.

She looked anguished, with a burden of the entire world on her fragile shoulders. He longed to embrace her.

Fen'rei let out a sigh, finishing her lukewarm tea in one big gulp. He watched her throat move as she swallowed, thoughts lost.

"I just hope it will work on the Breach."

The hidden sorrow and worry in her irises was overwhelming. _His fault._

She stood up, her feet coming to stand in front of Solas. He moved away from the desk too, eyes questioning.

"I am sorry once again for barging in here. I was.. well-- you saw. Thank you for calming me down." Her hands shifted behind her as she spoke, crimson on her cheeks as looked down in shame.

"It was no bother, Herald. I only hope I made your worries hurt less." He nodded, as she turned to move towards the door.

She nodded, a small smile slipping on her lips. It was entrancing.

She opened the door, her feet already stepping in the fresh snow outside. He could desperation itch at his throat.

"Herald!"

Her eyes rose to meet his, gold, silver, bronze, the intensity of it making the surroundings of his cottage disappear. It was all he could focus on, the swirling depth of her orbs, the _vallaslin_ creating a beauty he had not seen before, not with those carvings.

"That future _will not_ come to pass." He said, calmly, intensely, a certain lilt to his velvety voice.

She smiled at him then, a genuine smile, tempting him, eyes still rimmed with redness, cheeks flushed from the cold that burned against her unprotected linen shirt.

" _Ma serannas_ , Solas." She whispered, lips moving and he felt frozen, almost as if that time magic had consumed him too.

She disappeared after that, like a golden _halla_ moving gracefully across the fields, and he watched _entranced_ , breaths echoing hers as they were now deeply engraved into his chest.

" _Ara melava son'ganem."_ He could hear himself whispering, the beast of his heart rattling against his cage as he watched her go, his own mind in a chaotic haze.

**Author's Note:**

> All Elvhen is by Fenxshiral and her Project Elvhen!
> 
> enfenim - to fear  
> mah - future, ahead  
> isa'ma'lin - brother  
> ma serannas - thank you  
> Ara melava son’ganem - my time is well spent


End file.
